How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
