I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She just used a chaser for red wine.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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