Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
