I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
