dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
