there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
