I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
