Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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