I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
