Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
