Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
