We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
