the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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