I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
