At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
