Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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