I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
