never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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