do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
