My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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