Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
