:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
