i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
