Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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