my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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