Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
