He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
