I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
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