APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
