Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
