Heybabeimwearingurpanties
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
