Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
