If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
