hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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