Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
