I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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