Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize