stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
