i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
