I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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