I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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