dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
