3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
