bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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