my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
