Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
