i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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