I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
