I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
