The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
