you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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