when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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