Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
