Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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