where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
