i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
