dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
