oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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