She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
