i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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