Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I touched a dick in church today
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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