the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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