That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
