it's like iHOP with fire
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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