Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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