A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
